My Story as a Gay Syrian Refugee – 2 –

17 May

Photo by Dalia Khamisi

They told me about God and I loved Him.

They said He created everything in the universe.
I was young and searching and discovering the world and questioning everything. I found out there is a God that loves me as I am and I decided to love Him to death, but I was told it was not enough to love Him, I had to worship Him, and I asked why, they said you just have to, so I said I will worship Him, but they said that was not enough that I had to pray to Him, so I asked them how and they said we will show you how.
They prayed in front of me and I got courage and learned. They said they would get me a “galabiyah” to wear during prayer so I was happy but told them I did not want it white, but colored, so they said we will get you whatever you want.
I asked for it to be colored the colors of roses and of the sky and treas.
They bought me a very nice one with a hood and two openings on the sides. I wore it to pray and wore it to play and wore it to dance, but I had no idea I would raped in it and killed in it and that my childhood would die in it. Years went by and the galabiyah lived inside of me.
I did not know if I loved it or not or if God loved me or did not love me or if they loved me or did not love me.
Unfortunately they hated me – but I did not care and they could not stop me or pull me backwards.
I decided to continue ahead in life and never look back. What is behind us is behind us and there is no cure for it.

Of course you would like to know whether or not I forgive. What do you think? My God taught me to forgive and I will forgive.
God is the number one person in my life and I love Him and He is the last person in my life and death and I love Him.

PS: article translated and edited from a play in Syrian dialect


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