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My Story as a Syrian gay refugee – 1 –

16 May

syria_gay_pride_pinback_buttons-r0c620e7c1ec64338a8ce3189d0b4ae4e_x7j17_8byvr_324I was always the special one at home, in everything, and whatever I wanted would be done.

There were lots of things inside of me that I was afraid to expose because I did not know what would happen if I did.

But they loved me in the dark and made me hate the light, and when I told them that I wanted to live as I pleased that I had the right to live and take what I want they said no you are not free you are wrong you are immoral.

I ran to a warm and tender lap, I found that this warm and tender lap was the one rejecting me.

It was the one to reject me and forget the feelings it had for me and the tenderness it had.

It was supposed to be the person who would offer their hand in motherly love and humanity, but unfortunately they abandoned me.

I will look for another warm lap but I have not yet found one, nor will I find one because there is no warmer lap than that of my mother.

I wish she knew how much I love her. I wish she knew how much I need her.

Unfortunately the victim has become the tormenter and the tormenter has become the victim.

I cannot continue the story.

Everybody makes fun of me, but I will remain the stronger one and I will remain the special one and whatever I want will happen even if they beat me even if the reject me, even if they call me an infidel, even if they chase me.

I will remain myself, love myself, and stay reconciled with myself and like myself.

It is my turn to forgive or not. What do you think, should I forgive or not? Give me time, give me confidence, give me love, and give me myself if I am to decide to forgive.

 

PS: article translated and edited from a play in Syrian dialect

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